Last week, Valtteri and I finally got around to celebrating our nuptials—by which I mean that we got dressed up in our wedding clothes and went to dinner at the restaurant where we had ordered takeout way back in April, the day we each said “I do.”
You’d think the restaurant would be flattered that we chose to celebrate with them not once, but twice—that they would be thankful that we are doing more than our fair share to keep them afloat in these trying times. But no. They don’t know our story because they didn’t ask, not even as we arrived doing sparkle fingers in the vestibule.
This lack of reaction wasn’t exactly new. In fact, the same thing happened the first time around, on our actual wedding day, when Valtteri and I went to our old neighborhood to meet a new friend to have an amateur photo shoot. Not one person who crossed our path recognized the moment in any way—not with well wishes or congratulations or even a simple smile. I was told not to take this personally—that this is just “the Finnish way.”
I don’t often pass judgment on other cultures, but in this case I will make an exception. When a woman is standing in the middle of the street wearing a white sleeveless dress at the end of winter in the middle of a pandemic while holding a bouquet—you say something. Any other way is wrong.
I wasn’t exactly surprised when the same scenario began to play itself out at the restaurant last week, but I was still disappointed. The way I see it, if a woman waltzes into a Michelin restaurant in a lace mock turtleneck, it is the duty, nay the honor, of the hostess to ask what the occasion is.
That’s not just good manners, it’s good business. If the receptionist tipped off the server that she had a pair of newlyweds on her hands, she probably could have talked us into a wine pairing or an expensive bottle of something that none of us could pronounce. Instead, the waitress just politely took our order for the tasting menu and then asked if we wanted to add a course of sea scallops for €6 per person.
As far as segues go, it wasn’t much. But I figured it was the best I was going to get in Helsinki, so I took it. “OH WHY NOT???” I said, holding my hands out like I was in a community theater production of Macbeth. “We just got married!!”
And you would think that after delivering a line like that at a volume like mine, that I would finally get the recognition I deserve as a beautiful and needy bride. But no. I did not. And that is because as I was announcing, “We just got married,” my new husband was saying, “We don’t have any allergies.” And if you never realized it before (and, honestly, I don’t know why you would) those two sentences sound remarkably alike when delivered over the din of a five-star dining room and some new age jazz.
Adding insult to injury, Valtteri informed the waitress that we were not allergic to shellfish with almost no affect, while I made my announcement with the enthusiasm and energy of someone who not only married the love of her life but also thought she would receive a free glass of champagne for sharing the experience. In the end, it was the server who probably felt the most awkward as she tried to make sense of a woman in a white dress grinning ear to ear and beaming at the prospect of a sea scallop.
The couple at the next table us did not opt for the scallops. They did, however, get the tasting menu, which strongly implies that they were also celebrating something special. About halfway through the meal, while the woman was in the restroom, we got our answer when the man signaled the server and explained that it was his girlfriend’s birthday. He was angling for an extra dessert or maybe an aperitif, but the server didn’t make any promises.
This request, made on behalf of a woman who was celebrating something inconsequential like turning 26, satisfied me, a woman in a $80 wedding dress, greatly.
“He’s got a lot of nerve,” I sniffed to Valtteri. “Asking for something special on our wedding day.”
“It’s actually not our wedding day,” Valtteri pointed out.
“Am I wearing a wedding dress?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
I raised my eyebrows. “So then why would anyone assume otherwise?”
“Well it’s a Thursday,” he suggested.
I rolled my eyes. “We got married on a Thursday.”
“We got married on a Wednesday,” he corrected.
I stared at him across the table. “Is that really important?” I asked. I took a deep breath. “The point is, that I am in my wedding dress and if anyone is getting anything special, it should be me.” I nodded at my own logic. “Us,” I corrected. “It should be us, although I am really doing a lot of the heavy lifting here,” I continued, motioning to my dress. “I have nicer things you know.” I nodded again. “I did this for you. For us. For champagne.”
In the end, the champagne did not come for us or the couple at the next table. In fact, all the efforts of our neighbor only produced a single candle stuck in a scoop of sorbet. As far as birthday treats go, it was pretty sad.
Even still, heads turned as the server carried the plate to the woman’s table, one hand in front of the flame like she was part of the procession at an Easter Vigil mass. It was then as the other patrons stole little glances in her direction—in our direction—that I saw my opportunity. I raised my chin and straightened my shoulders. “It’s. My. Wedding.” I mouthed, grinning like a Cheshire cat with a €6 sea scallop.
And in the time of COVID, no less! Who are these monsters who aren’t grasping at ANYTHING to celebrate?!
I AGREE. I mean, I consider the dalmatian puppy a public service, but now… i don’t even know if these people deserve it. I kid. They’re nice people, just not going to give me the reaction i so crave, that being A FREAKING SMILE. I’ll even take A NOD!! lord. help me.
Well, I think your dress is lovely and you make a beautiful couple. Congratulations on getting married in spite of the pandemic. Life is getting very complicated these days. And I would cross that restaurant off my list. If it is anything like the US, there are plenty of others eager for your business who would bend over backwards for newlyweds.
THANK YOU. Where were you on Thursday at around 8 p.m. eastern european time? I kid… in any case, thank you for the well wishes. The pandemic wedding just keeps on giving. And yes, you are right… that restaurant, delicious as it was, will never hold any sentimental value for me. The meal felt like any other, no need to revisit every year or just because. The Microsoft parking lot one city over however, where we had our outdoor ceremony, now THAT i’d like to rent out again. :D
Haha, this could have been Switzerland. 😂😂
I hope the scallop was good!
I know. So many people have commiserated: Germans, Austrians, Swiss… y’all are missing out on some of the simplest forms of pleasure, that being to pay a compliment to a stranger. sheesh. live a little.
Speaking of Switzerland, your recent photos are to die for!! What a gorgeous, gorgeous place you call home!
Oh those Finnish! This was hilarious. Congratulations (again) to you two.
When I dropped my son off at school in Austria a couple years ago, we took a few walks in the park near his dorm building, and I had to force myself to stop trying to make eye contact and smile and wave at passers by. Nobody says hello in Austria. You could be the only two people in a 1 mile radius and you pass each other with no acknowledgement. I’m from Idaho. We wave at people passing in cars here. We make small talk with the checker at the store. One time I got into a long conversation with a checker about how frustrating teenagers are and by the time my groceries were bagged we were we were nearly best friends.
I love Helsinki but in small doses. After a while I would probably explode with the need for attention from random strangers. There’s no way I could walk into a restaurant in a wedding dress and not expect some sort of to do on my behalf.
THANK YOU! Yes, big cultural difference. I think one of the first things people consistently told me here in Finland was that they are comfortable with silence. This was there way of saying not to take it personally if they don’t make small talk. Interestingly, I don’t find that many people actually want to follow their own rules. Give it a time or two and many people are suddenly willing to chat my ear off. I don’t know if they’re saving it up or if they secretly like it or what, but they will TALK. Anywhoooooooo. I hear you. I would prefer my doses of Helsinki be smaller, or at least broken up a bit more. But all in all, it’s a lovely place with lovely people and it is home for now. I have a feeling that our dalmatian puppy will get strangers talking in a way that my wedding dress never could…
The Finnish remind me of Germans. Opposed to displaying any emotions, let alone public displays of congratulations, even if it’s good business sense.
Once you can travel again across the ocean, pack your wedding dress! North Americans will make up for it!
HA! Having lived in Germany I would agree with you. I’d like to think the Finns are even more reserved, but that is not a theory I am going to test with a plane ticket and cocktail dress in a carry on. Thank you for reading! Really enjoying YOUR unconventional wedding story a la “Let’s Pretend This Is Normal.” Learning so much about you… and coming to love you more. xx