The six most annoying words in the English language are: “I was listening to a podcast…”
I’m sorry if you feel seen right now, but someone needs to tell you: No one wants to listen to an amateur give a recap of a podcast. In fact, most people don’t want to listen to the actual podcast. A podcast, much like a blog, is a conversation that no one else wanted to have.
Up until very recently, I had resisted the podcast—my reason being that I enjoy reading the news. But that changed the second I became self-employed. As a full-time freelancer, I’m my own boss now and unlike many of my managers of the past, I don’t let me get away with shit.
All those hours upon hours I used to spend each week reading newspapers, magazines and, yes, even blogs in the name of “research”—that’s over. Instead I’m using that time to do actual work. Real work—like reading decks and writing decks and interacting with people who actually show up for meetings that they schedule to talk about decks.
By the end of the day, I’m so tired of looking at PowerPoint slides that I don’t have much energy to read or write anything else. The problem, of course, is that so much of my job hinges on knowing what’s going on in the world, which means I need to get my news from somewhere.
Cue the podcast. They’re my new thing. I listen to a six-minute story breaking down the situation in Belarus while I do the dishes and another about Michelle Obama’s upbringing while I run an errand and next thing you know, I’m pretty much up to speed and rounded out.
Podcasts had been my dirty little secret for about two weeks when I inadvertently outted myself—this after Valtteri mentioned an article which erroneously claimed that masks don’t protect the wearer.
“Actually,” I said. “I was listening to a podcast about face masks and—” I stopped myself, not sure what to do next. Part of me wanted to shut up and pretend I hadn’t just exposed myself as a podcast person. I had some amount of hope that if I changed the subject, I could still continue being the best version of myself, the one that gets her news from a variety of written sources and then applies some amount of comprehension and analysis before passing along a summary, only when requested—which would be never.
The other part of me, the insufferable part that now listens to podcasts, wanted to plow ahead with my newfound knowledge about hamsters and what happens when they’re exposed to COVID-19 while in a cage with a surgical mask partition.
The answer, in case you’re wondering, is that the hamsters either don’t get sick at all or they have much milder symptoms, which suggests that masks protect the wearer and the people around him or her and also that I have become my own punchline.
After I was done with my recap about the hamsters, I rolled right into another episode, which was about a genetically modified squid. I’m not going to get too into it, but the headline there is that breakthroughs in the cephalopod community have big implications for humans. The subhead, as I relayed to Valtteri, is that I still have a few things preventing me from being a complete drag—most notably that I don’t do yoga. He let that statement hang in the air for about 30 seconds before asking, “But haven’t you been doing yoga?”
Dear reader, I gasped. I gasped like a woman who forgot that she just downloaded a 14-day free trial of a trendy yoga app and was attempting her very first chaturangas. I gasped like a newbie yogi who had just stumbled out of warrior one. I gasped like—you get the picture. I gasped like the hypocrite that I am, a person who has been dabbling in Buti Yoga to stave off the boredom of running and then boring people with a lot of talk about tribal dance and advanced stretching.
That’s me. A woman who is newly interested in podcasts and yoga. I do puzzles in my spare time and I wear sneakers as flats. I’m thinking about getting a dog, which means many of my conversations revolve around “good” dog names and how to theoretically potty train a Dalmatian in a Helsinki apartment. What’s next? Church?
In all seriousness, what was next was that I opened our spice cabinet to put away the salt and found myself facing eight boxes of herbal tea. Eight! Eight boxes of tea, all without caffeine. I had to ask myself some hard questions about who I have become and who I want to be and how much tea it will take to get there. The answer, I’m ashamed to admit, is that I’m a woman who hired an accountant who lightly suggested that I could write off hot beverages as a home-based business expense. In other words, I am the lamest person in the world. Maybe I should start a podcast.
Please stop stalking me and using me for material. It’s really getting out of hand.
what do you mean??? i’m just over here doing my yoga and podcast circuit… and baking nordic pastries… and adopting a large dog… and logging onto IG for my daily live video in which i will cut my own hair. i kid. but you know what they say: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. xx
Not gonna lie, I hate those 6 words, but I am the person who writes off the tea on business expenses. I have certainly stopped myself mid sentence to try and stop the hypocritical dribble, but I have failed more than I have succeeded. Love this, glad I am not the only one.
In solidarity!! All tea, no podcasts… except when we can’t help ourselves. I’ve managed to not talk about podcasts all week (so far)… the BUTI yoga, not so much. Can’t shut up about my cardio stretching lol. thanks for stopping by. xx
Even worse is the person who says that and what follows is their summary of a self help podcast. And actually…I realize that’s me at the moment. Thank you for bringing this annoying habit to my attention. And I’m not being sarcastic. Also, your photos are lovely.
HA! oh i’m sorry. happens to the best of us. the fact that you are finding the humor here leads me to believe that your recaps are less than annoying :) thanks for stopping by xx
Just wanted to say I love your hair in that Saturday photo! And this is funny. I’ve dabbled slightly in podcasts but overall I still like to read my news.
hi – thank you!!! I appreciate that. I got a light keratin treatment just to take away some of the frizz and relax the curls a little bit and it’s made all the difference. I was having so much trouble controlling my hair otherwise. and i agree… i like my news in the original format but times are weird and we all need to do what we need to do. thanks for reading xx
I hear you about the music. It always sounds clashy, extemporaneous, and totally without charm. And yet people who are into this stuff are totally immersed. it’s embarrassing to admit to them that I have no idea what’s going on, they invariably look at me with mouths open, as if to say, “what the… is WRONG with you? The rhythms, the tonal quality, that horn, lady, listen to that horn…”
and we back away from each other slowly.
Dissonance is not my thing.
i feel you. my husband’s jazz is NOT MY JAM.
What does it say that I’m pretty sure I recognized Radiolab♥️ from your very brief description?
lol. It says that you may also be an absolute blast at dinner parties… remember those???
xx. good for you. radiolab is a great listen.