Earlier this week, Johann asked me if I had plans for Nov. 15. It was an oddly specific question until I remembered that’s two days before his birthday.
“Oh you know,” I said, making finger guns and pretending to fire several rounds into our ceiling. “I’ll never miss a chance to celebrate. What do you want to do?”
Johann bit his lip. “Actually,” he said. “There’s a party at school that night and I was hoping to go.”
“For you?” I asked.
“No,” he replied. “For Kaamos.”
“Never heard of him,” I replied. “But OK. Have fun.”
For the record, I appreciate that Johann asks about my plans before making any of his own. It’s a behavior that I attribute directly to our watching of 90 Day Fiancé and seeing transplant after transplant have a full-on meltdown after being left alone for more than three hours. I respect their position, though I hardly share the feeling. I’ve lived alone for the better part of 15 years and I am currently working 10-12 hour days. Having a night to myself to eat potato chips and deep condition my hair is probably just as fun for me as celebrating Kaamos is for Johann.
“Kaamos isn’t a person,” Johann explained. “It’s a thing. It’s the polar night, the time of year when the sun doesn’t really come out for 24 hours.”
“And what do you do?”
“You wear black and drink beer,” he said.
I’m not sure how this was different from any other Friday night in Finland, but I wasn’t going to point that out. I love my free time like Finns love the light of the moon.
Another thing I wasn’t going to point out is how boring the polar night celebration sounds. I mean, Halloween is a thing. If the Finns need something to look forward to in October or November, that holiday is right there, free for the taking. Nothing spices up fall quite like fifty different adult women dressed as cats. That’s not my opinion, that’s my experience.
Keep in mind I’m not even a Halloween person. I never got into the adult version of dressing trashy and waiting in line for a warehouse and then inevitably getting into an argument with a guy in a ninja turtle costume.
I did, however, love it as a kid and I still like watching children get excited about dressing up and going to parties and having parades. When I lived in New York, I’d make a point of working from home on Halloween and then sit on the stoop and hand out candy. If there’s any part of the day I’m nostalgic for, that would be it—the part with the kids and the chocolate and meeting your neighbors, however briefly, and without having to explain a fallen mop.
“Since you brought up holidays,” I said to Johann. “I’m thinking about doing some reverse trick or treating this weekend.”
“What’s reverse trick or treating?” he asked.
“Well, like, kids don’t know that they can come here and ring the bell, so I figured I’d bring the trick or treating to them,” I explained.
Johann took a deep breath. “And how are you going to do that?”
“I’m going to take a bag of candy and walk around the city and if I see anyone in costume, I’m going to give them some,” I said with a shrug. “Reverse trick or treating is exactly what it sounds like. Keep up.”
“There’s not probably going to be many kids in costume,” he pointed out.
“Well then I’ll just give candy to the normal kids,” I said. “Or adults.”
“You can’t do that,” he replied.
“Sure I can,” I argued. “Do you want to come?”
“You’re going to get arrested,” he replied.
That seems a pretty uncharitable response for a culture whose biggest autumn holiday sounds suspiciously like a satanic ritual.
“Can I stand outside the building with a bag of candy?”
“No,” Joahnn said.
“There’s a Halloween party at the zoo. Can I—”
“NO,” he said, cutting me off.
“Do you have work on Saturday?” I asked, hoping to circumvent this whole negotiation.
“No,” he smiled. “I was thinking we could make a nice breakfast and then go to a book store.”
I raised my eyebrows, not sure if I was about to agree to a trick or a treat.
Relationships are a constant compromise and, in this case, Johann and I settled on putting a bowl of candy outside our door with a note saying that our neighbors could knock if they want to say hello. Hardly anyone uses the stairs and Finnish people are notoriously shy, so I doubt we’ll get any visitors. That’s probably just as well. We have very few light fixtures and almost no furniture, so our apartment basically looks like a three-room haunted house, albeit a freshly painted one. That might be on-brand for Halloween, but it’s not the impression I want to give. I’m much more of a Christmas person. Scare people off with opt-in trick or treating now and they’ll never come back for the stay-at-home carolling.
*UPDATE: We are going to see the Joker movie tonight. It’s happening people!*
I’m super curious about your thoughts on Joker. I think that Joaquin Phoenix will deserve any and all nominations that he gets. HOWEVER, I hated the movie. It was painful and sad and depressing and I was super upset with the parents of the apparent 8 year old who were in the theater with us. This is NOT the Heath Ledger Joker, nor the Jack Nicholson one. I thought it was brutal, violent, sad and depressing. I DO think that this movie could be a great way to open a discussion about mental illness and how we as a society (Americans) treat people we deem as not “normal” but I was completely unprepared for this movie or how really quite awful it made me feel. A completely vile character is portrayed as sympathetic. Ugh.
Yes, I have definitely heard this. I will let me know what I think.
hi – ok, so here are my thoughts:
1. agree on the performance. Joaquin Phoenix was amazing.
2. Agree 100% that it was not a suitable movie for 8 year olds. Even if the parents didn’t know what they were getting into, it becomes pretty clear, pretty quickly. They should have left. This was not a Marvel superhero movie – it was “film”
3. It was totally disturbing because the issues it explores are pretty honest takes: treating the mentally ill as unworthy of resources; treating working class people like they’re stupid, etc. The thing that really put me on edge was how possible it is for one community to just ignite over some kind of event… I’m thinking the protests in Ferguson but bigger.
4. All that said, I was expecting it to be worse in terms of the sympathy/empathy angle. People had been talking about this a lot and so I was bracing myself for something really next level… as it stands, I thought the character was sympathetic and that his circumstances were sad BUT I didn’t think it was over the top. I also don’t get the outrage for how any sympathy is miscast (keeping in mind it’s fiction, also). I guess I just don’t see the problem with the complexities of feeling empathy even for (fictional) people who do terrible things. I don’t think our probably as a society is that we need to care LESS, you know?
5. definitely a movie you want to reverse trick or treat BEFORE and not after.
Oh and also? My most ridiculous take? LOVED THE DANCING!
good lord. I had trauma from Bambi and Dumbo, the last thing I need is trauma from the Joker. Let me know how much I missed it.
I probably wouldn’t recommend it… if you think you’re going to hate it then you probably will. If you easily disturbed or affected, skip it. If you have an excess of empathy, definitely avoid. Otherwise you will be up all night.