A few weeks ago, we found out that Amy Klobuchar once ate a salad with a comb. I could believe it.
Actually, I didn’t at first, but then I remembered my own entry level years, the ones in which I worked for tyrants and bullies and an idiot or two. Once upon a time, my boss insisted I dial in to an after-hours conference call from the hospital; another repeatedly refused to let me eat lunch at a client site because he “didn’t like the optics of it.” At my very first job, I had a manager who, during a power outage, tripped over his own chair while trying to answer the telephone and then made a unilateral decision to put every single seat in storage until electricity had been restored. “IT’S UNSAFE!” he screamed, in response to a question that no one had bothered to ask. “Someone is going to kill themselves!” It was a terrible thing to say, and yet, he wasn’t wrong. He was closer to the truth than he will ever know.
I am hardly the only one with these memories. For every lunatic manager, there are at least five relatively normal people on the other side just trying to make sense of it. All you need is one well-placed story about a comb and salad and you are reminiscing all week long: Remember when so-and-so left his Zune media player in a hotel safe in California and we had to plead with the receptionist to send it back? How about the time we were held personally responsible for a photographer who threw up at the opening of a national park? Have I ever told you about the summer I spent escorting a man dressed as General Lafayette around shopping malls in Pennsylvania? Spoiler: We got kicked out.
Perhaps the best part about the Amy story isn’t that she ate a salad with a comb or that she demanded an aide clean it afterwards. For entry level staff, that’s table stakes. The surprise should be that it’s so easy for us to identify. My friends and I have never met Amy and yet we all know her. We worked for her for years.
I imagine a lot of senior leaders and middle managers read those headlines and winced because they also know Amy – which is to say they know themselves. They recognize their own behavior in the story about the comb. They know that they once asked an assistant to have a bike messenger deliver their favorite coffee mug from their office to their house. They are guilty of asking an intern to research the price of bar stools for their home. They remember the time they left a black Banana Republic scarf in the backseat of a taxi and then made a subordinate call dispatch offices all over New York City to try and find it.
Up until very recently, they didn’t think much of it. But they do now. It might just be my imagination, but in the weeks and months since #MeToo became a daily talking point, some people seem worried about what might come back to bite them. There is a new focus on being reasonable, on treating people like actual people. Some of the worst offenders now seem to be open to change – not because they see their bad behavior for what it is, but because they understand that confiscating the chairs of your colleagues can make headlines in a trade magazine.
The problem is, a lot of these leaders don’t understand that the problem isn’t just their reaction – the screaming, yelling and berating of staff – it’s what they’re asking people to do in the first place: work endless hours; give more to a company that doesn’t give back; let someone else take the credit for their ideas and effort. They think that all they have to do to create a pleasant and productive work environment is say “please” and “thank you.” But that’s not true. Managers need to realize that no matter how “cool” they purport to be, being good at the job it takes more than lip service.
Here, let me show you what I mean.
I saw that post on LinkedIn last week and nearly dropped my phone. The problems are many, but here are the biggest:
- Staff is working until 9 p.m., which is not unusual.
- The business is using the skills and expertise of a departing employee to win a new piece of business, even though that person will not be a resource for the future client.
- The writer does not give this mystery woman any real credit or accolades, despite saying that he will “advocate” for her in the future… you know, after she’s left.
- It contains a typo that really makes me wonder: Is that a simple mistake or does he think “fantasies” is a verb?
For the sake of simplicity, let’s set the employee aside and assume that this woman, whoever she may be, is exactly where she wants to be. Let’s agree that she is entirely career-driven, the type of person who enjoys spending the hours between 5 and 9 on a Friday night, which, as this manager so aptly put it, is “her” time, at the office. Let’s assume she writes proposals for fun and genuinely cares about the business opportunities of an organization that she is leaving. Let’s imagine she is humble and gracious and wouldn’t want to be recognized by name.
Let’s also set aside the identity of the writer. Because his name isn’t important; neither is that of his company. What is pertinent is his position: President. With a title like that, we can infer not only that he speaks for the organization, but also that his views define its culture. This is not some middle manager with Friday night feelings – this is a company leader. He sets the tone for most everyone around him. If people are in the office at 9 p.m. on their last day, it’s because he and his peer group demand as much of their staff.
It goes without saying that I have never worked for this particular organization. But I feel like I know it the same way that I know Amy Klobuchar’s shop. I’ve worked in one or two just like it: Places where the norm is to work 12-hour days and employees are expected to be 125% billable. Companies where taking a sick day is frowned upon and people somehow never manage to use a measly two weeks of vacation. Organizations that use words like “family” and “our people” because they want you to think that they’re looking out for your best interest even though they repeatedly, consistently work against it.
When I see posts like the one above on LinkedIn, it takes everything in me not to respond directly – to call out the toxic culture that has people working long hours and weekends without any real compensation or recognition. I want to tell this president that he is tone deaf for thinking that an impersonal “thank you” and a promise to advocate for this woman in the future is something to brag about. I want to tell him that actually, sometimes burning a bridge on the way out the door is the right thing to do – because that way you’ll never be tempted to work for a bad leader and a toxic organization again.
I won’t do any of the above for many reasons, the most notable being that I don’t think LinkedIn allows 900-word comments – and that’s how many I need to make my point. Besides, a negative comment on a blog post never changed anyone’s mind. I should know. All jokes aside, I’m not so sure that the problem is his to solve. Call me a pessimist, but I don’t expect him and people like him – the Presidents, if you will – to change. Why would they? What’s in it for them?
There is, however, a lot in it for us: time, money, opportunities, recognition, pride, basic human dignity. If the last few months have taught us anything it’s that all of us have power. Applying pressure from the bottom up works the same as from the top-down. There’s nothing stopping any of us from recognizing a bad situation and resetting the table on our own terms. I know that because I’ve done it. And, at present, my table is in Venice.
Demanding more seems like a scary and risky move, but that’s only because the Presidents have successfully convinced us that it was. Fear of what will happen if we say “no” or “not that way” or “not right now” is so ingrained in our minds, that we can’t even manage to do it after-hours on our last day. Enough of that.
If you have a move you want to make, make it. Best case scenario: You walk away today with more than you had yesterday.
Worst case scenario: You figure out that they were never going to let you cross the bridge in the first place. Now you know you’re going to have to find another way forward. I see no harm in throwing the match.
“Now, I’d advocate for her if ever asked.”
Aka, I won’t go out of my way to actually advocate for her, but if someone directly asked me, I’d say nice things.
Sadly, most of us have been there.
yeahhhhh. while I get that I don’t know these people and MAYBE there is another post where he gives her props personally or that she would never want that, I still read this and think… well if she’s great, say so! tell us who she is! let her personal stock rise!
sadly, you are right.
Hear, hear to the death of the toxic work environment. Been there, done that, done with it!!!
Yes, ma’am. On to bigger and better things. Thanks for reading.
I’ve been that “working 17 hours on your last day at a company” person…but I did it because my direct boss was an unbelievably good leader and she was the only reason I hated leaving the company. She helped me get my new job by advocating for me while I was still working for her. So, I did my best to help her make sure things were in order before I left.
On the flip side, I worked for that company again years later. That leader had left the company and the person who took her place was absolutely horrible. I had no problem throwing up deuces when I left that company the second time.
Burning bridges when they need to be burned is not a mistake, no matter what that idiot thinks. I didn’t just fantasize about it. LOL
I have no doubt that you are a dedicated employee… in case it didn’t come through in the post, I think it’s a great quality to have. At the same time, I’m glad that you recognised that things changed and that you don’t owe your best hours and days to people who are “absolutely horrible.” I 100% support “dueces” in that case. So often, it’s the people at the top who caution against burning bridges and I think at least part of that is self-preservation. If we all throw the match, how the hell are they going to get anywhere?
XO to you and JoJo