When two people love each other very much, they sometimes do strange and unexpected things, like agree to build a gingerbread house from scratch. Assuming these people are secure in their love, they may also decide to turn the thing into a competition, by which I mean they build two gingerbread houses and then take to the internet demanding that anyone with a Twitter account weigh in: Who did it better? Which house would you throw away last? If gumdrops are the currency of life, who is king?
I’m not going to tell you who made which house just yet because that should be fairly obvious. Even if this is your first time here, all you need to know is this: one was built by a Finnish man who is employed by an art museum as a technician and makes furniture in his spare time; and the other was made by an American who lives by the motto, More is more. We both have a certain aesthetic, in other words. Our own style, if you will. Did Johann make the perfectly symmetrical faux-log cabin with a movable door? That’s a question that doesn’t really need to be answered, like Is the Pope Catholic? or Do I now have icing in my hair?
I’ll be honest, I went into the contest assuming that I’d lose. Johann’s superior construction skills and eight years designing museum installations put the odds firmly in his favour. He can, technically speaking, do math. He owns a ruler, as well as something that I will call a triangular ruler. I, on the other hand, make use of a strategy commonly known as “eyeballing it.” This is more or less how I get through life. I take my best guess and then fill in the cracks, literal or metaphorical, later. Usually, it works out fine. Then again, I’m not usually building a roof.
But we all have strengths and let’s not underestimate mine. I also have an advantage – that being I know how to cheat. Perhaps more importantly, I know when to cheat, which is basically anytime I enter the kitchen.
Real Simple has taught me not to be ashamed of this – for my willingness to cheat on all matters cooking is not a source of weakness, but a testament to my resourcefulness. Over the years their editors have conditioned me to assess the task at hand and then find a way around it, usually with the help of aluminium foil or a box of baking soda. With their encouragement, I have learned to expect a shortcut. To accept help. To think to myself, What would Julia Child do? And then set aside that complicated and outdated answer and ask Pinterest instead. All that time spent reading kitchen tutorials and life hacks has taught me that there is a certain amount of faking that goes into the making and that is perfectly fine.
So what’s my secret? I built my house around a box. This is not something that I will apologize for. I figured if Johann can show up with a collection of oddly shaped rulers and experience with power tools, then I am allowed to make use of a tea tin. I consider it a small step towards leveling the playing field, which is only fair when the game takes place in the kitchen.
Another thing about being in love is that you often find yourself admiring the other person more than yourself. When the sprinkles had settled, both Johann and I sincerely liked the other’s house better. He appreciated the creativity of my crushed hazelnut façade and awning icing. I envied the precision of his candy shingles and the fact that his roof did not have a gaping hole closed by two layers of gumdrops. If put to a vote, we would each cast a ballot for the opposite. He and I are living proof that the grass is always greener, or in this case sweeter.
What we can both agree on is that my sister-in-law, a woman I often refer to as Saint Rena, beat us both. This is a picture of the house that she made a few years back. She was either eight months pregnant at the time, or six months pregnant with a one-year old child. I can’t remember exactly. Either way, it’s safe to say that her mind was probably elsewhere even as she turned out this masterpiece.
The sense of competition between Johann and me has cooled, but since I started this post promising a digital bake off, I will deliver. Let’s take it to a vote, shall we? Which house do you prefer? Email subscribers click here.
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This is really hard as they both are equally fabulous. Your sisters was fantastic! I’m going to go with Johann’s only because it’s smaller and will be easier to eat as gum drops will take a while to chew up. Merry Christmas!
Fair enough… Johann was also under the impression that we were going to eat these. That was news to me! I only thought they were for show. I have to say, if I knew “edibility” was the criteria, I would have made some changes… namely that I would have made mine out of bacon. Now that I’d eat.
Thanks for reading. Happy holidays to you!
In the end it was Johann’s roof (I can’t stand gumdrops) and the opening door that made the decision for me. I do admire your hazelnut facade, however. What dedication to the task! And the icicles dripping from the roof are a nice touch. It was a close call. I give you an A and an A+ to Johann.
Love your blog, by the way. I never miss a post.
I agree. His roof is pretty clutch. A+ work indeed. Thanks for voting & following along… happy holidays to you! xx
I can’t believe that people don’t recognize the ingeniousness of kitchen shortcuts, going big-or-go-home, and the creativity that dreamed up a hazelnut facade and gumdrop-roof!
Your sister’s house is beautiful but too perfect (I don’t need a gingerbread house making me feel inferior), and Johann’s is too small. You are the clear winner here!
Ha! My sister in law is very non-threatening in her perfection, but I get what you’re saying. Thank you for the firm “yes”. Doing things big and a little sloppy is where I excel! xx Thanks for reading and happy holidays to you!
Great! Now I wanna build a gingerbread house! And I want to have a competition with my “also very tool oriented” husband. I really like Johan’s rainbow shingled roof, but I like the siding on yours. So it’s a draw for me.
Oh you should! Let me know how it goes…
I’m happy with a draw, so thank you! Happy holidays!
Johann’s by a gumdrop for the 2 trees. Love them all. Nova for the writing!
I agree with you. His landscaping sends it over the edge. :) Happy holidays to you!
We have a split decision here. I vote for the one with the dripping icicles and he votes for the open door (or vice versa).
Your votes have been noted. Surprised you didn’t vote for Rena’s, but I guess she’s a fan favourite with the under 4 crowd.
First off, I like the use of the box if your mate came to the gingerbread fight with an assortment of rulers. You were well within your right to box and eyeball it. The post gave me a good activity for me and my mate to participate in…one day…when I find one. For now, me and myself will be building a gingerbread house…probably with the use of a box or two.
thank you. box or not, hope your building went well. happy new year!
Let’s put it this way: Yours, for the chutzpah and that wonderfully tempting frosting roof, Johann’s for the (relative) perfection of the logs, and the two trees. I’d have to call it a draw.
Popcorn smoke on either chimney would have had my vote, hands down.
popcorn smoke is noted for next year. both of us have access to the comments, so I consider it fair game.