A few weeks ago, on our way out of our guest house in Florence, Johann and I met an American woman sitting on the porch.
“Where are you off to?” she asked, which turned into questions about where we were from and how we met.
“How about you?” I asked. “Where are you from?”
“Indiana,” the woman replied. “This is my dream vacation. My daughter paid for the whole trip.”
She went on to explain that one of her children had been saving her $5 bills since college. With them, she eventually bought her mother’s airfare to Rome, which she presented as a Christmas gift this past December.
“When I woke up, there was a path of $5 bills from my bedroom door to the tree,” the woman told us. “And when I saw the sign that said Italy, I just started crying.”
If your heart just melted a little bit, you’re not alone. So did mine. So did the internet’s. It gets better. As the story went viral, people near and far went on to donate their services as tour guides or offer free accommodation to make this woman’s trip even more special. Johann and I would have liked to hear more about it and maybe buy the lady and her daughter a coffee, but a high-speed train to Venice prevented such dilly-dallying. We wished her well and headed to the station in our matching backpacks.
On our walk across the bridge that morning, I said to him, “That’s what I meant yesterday when I said we’re so lucky to be here. For most people, this is the trip of a lifetime. For us, it’s just a whim.”
I often feel lucky on my travels. Sometimes, when I happen to be with friends, I point it out to them too. Aren’t we lucky to sip gourmet tea in the middle of the day in Amsterdam? Aren’t we lucky to spend the afternoon at a beach in Portugal? Aren’t we lucky to get to do all the things we’re doing and see all the things we’re seeing?
Some of them get it and some of them don’t. The latter seem a little put off by the very suggestion that they are fortunate. They insist that luck has nothing to do with it. That hard work and ambition are what buys both our tea and our tickets. Luck is passive and we are not. One of my friends once added that I should do myself a favor and “own my success.”
I snorted. “Have we met?!” I joked. My faults are many but owning my success is not one of them. I just think there’s more to it than simply working hard.
Luck, as I use the word, refers to the uncontrollable circumstances of life, like being raised in the Unites States or being born white, that make success easier to come by. It’s having most of the big things, such as access to education, gender equality, and basic human rights, handed to me. It means that I grew up visiting doctors and learning from teachers and frequenting the library.
When I say I’m lucky, I mean that I have come close to hitting the socio-economic jackpot. Most of my friends have too. More likely than not, so has anyone following this blog. I know that because you’re reading it… in your free time… in English… on a screen… powered by a reliable source of electricity. That is no small thing. There are places in the world where no amount of talent, intelligence, skill or resourcefulness can provide such an opportunity. So believe me when I say that you and I, we’re lucky.
But I’ve seen enough people bristle at being called lucky to consider that maybe it isn’t the right word at all. Neither are its synonyms: grateful, thankful, blessed. They also don’t quite cover it. The problem with all of them, besides being kind of hokey, is that their origins are murky. Like luck, they fail to acknowledge effort. They ignore skill and talent. They capture a feeling without recognizing how it was earned. Even as I feel “blessed” to have the chance to go to college, it wasn’t luck that got me a scholarship or a near-perfect GPA. That was just plain work.
I’d like to acknowledge both parts of the equation: opportunity and ambition, good fortune and grit. But try as I may, I just can’t find a way. I have trouble articulating myself because, as far as I know, there is no such word. There really should be, especially today as we’re confronted with frank conversations about privilege and advantage, which are both basically ten-cent versions of luck.
I want a word that cuts through all the drama and sets aside the political discourse for a second and just acknowledges the simple fact that even the most hard-earned success is also the result of big-picture luck. That even if there are obstacles to overcome along the way, they are nothing relative to what most people in the world face. That none of us should be acting like we hit a home run when, in fact, we were born on third base.
Boiling that sentiment down to a single word is no easy feat. I’m up for trying, but I’m not sure I have to. I suspect another culture with a more precise language has already done it. And like a person who was born lucky, I’m hoping someone just gives me the answer. As a show of goodwill, I’ll pay for it… in fives.
Maybe ‘coincidence’ is closer? As in, the idea that every single moment of your life, every aspect of who you are, and everything that has happened to you has boiled down into creating the massive coincidence of having tea in Amsterdam.
It is a coincidence of genes, the availability of educational resources, your drive and ambition, your parents support, your birthplace, your interests, etc, that you are smart and hard working. Every coincidence that happens, big or small, from birth to this moment, is a fluke! We could all so easily be completely different people than we are, but…. here we are, the product of incredible coincidences!
You’re right, I don’t think luck is enough. It’s just a coincidence that we feel lucky. :D
Well – I think that gets at the same idea as luck, but it’s still missing the other half… meaning that even if you have the good fortune to have the opportunity you still have to apply yourself to capitalise. I think that’s why people take issue with the concept… because it’s actually not *just* a coincidence or just luck at all. It’s that plus effort. Let’s see what else turns up :0
Hah, I guess I meant that it’s kind of the same vein as the nature vs nuture argument, whereas you have to understand both before coming to a proper conclusion! A lot of things had to happen in the exact order that they happened, in the exact manner that they happened for you to be the person that you are. You are who you are because of too many things to comprehend. The effort you apply to your life, the things that are important to you aren’t random. They are decided through this unimaginable number of things that come to a head simultaneously.
Exactly. I’d like a word that captures that: nature+nurture+coincidence+effort+serendipity+ambition :)
There might actually be a phrase in German that serves as a workaround to your problem: “Wir haben es gut”
I don’t know if there is an equivalent in English, the literal translation would be “we have it good” or maybe “we got it good”, but neither of these seems right.
“Wir haben es gut” basically says “our current situation is a good one, an enjoyable one”. It can be used to describe a specific situation or be a general description of ones whole life, and everything in between. It is pretty neutral on the reason how the situation came to pass, if it was by luck or hard work or a combination of the two. It just celebrates the end result.
I don’t know if I’m doing a good job explaining it, but since you are living in Germany now, maybe you can find someone more well-spoken for further explanation ;-)
I was hoping the Germans would have this covered! Admittedly, I was hoping for a Frankenword as opposed to a phrase, but I’ll take this for now. Thank you!
Seems to me it’s the mix of having opportunities and taking full advantage of them. Living a full life?
Actually, I think “doing well” catches some of it for me. You can be doing well because of luck, or hard work, or any mixture of both.
And that mix can change over your lifetime. I grew up poor but bright and with a mother who really valued education and reading. That was pure luck and got me a pretty privileged start. Then I went off the rails for a lot of my twenties, then pulled myself together, re-trained, got a decent job and worked hard, and now I’m doing very well. My life’s been a mix!
“doing well” works… maybe “having done well for yourself” is a slightly different way to put it. It gets at both the dumb luck of it all and the effort one may have made to seize the opportunities.
I think the word “luck” most offends people with stories similar to yours. You worked hard to earn what you have not once, but twice. Good on you for making it happen and also still recognising how lucky – relatively speaking – you were, even with the challenges… glad you’re doing well! hope to have the chance to meet you in beautiful NZ one day!
The word is God.
Hm. Well that may work for the faithful, but not for me. Thanks though.
With respect,
Chuch
If you’re suggesting that some unseen force in the universe grants you beneficence, and I say God does that, then I submit for the purposes of this discussion that that’s a distinction without a difference. Whether God loves you or the universe does is just semantics.
Well, to me, God is inextricably linked with the Church – or, at the very least, religion as an institution. As you know, I don’t support that.
Setting that aside, I also think of God as more than just “good energy.” There is a whole belief system that informs the past and the future – how you were created and where you will go when you die. That’s not something I believe in either.
But, yes, for the purposes of this piece – we can say “god” (lower case) so long as that doesn’t endorse any of the above.
It’s a real shame they sent me to Catholic school… had the total opposite effect it should have.
Well okay, if all you’re after is linguistic precision for the idea you’re pondering (rather that the cause of it), I suggest the term “metaphysical beneficence.” Note that this neatly explains our supposedly self-made talents and skills as well. (Where did your intellect, drive, courage, perseverance, etc. come from? Metaphysical beneficence!)
I don’t think it’s uncommon for Catholic schoolers to reject everything after being halfheartedly indoctrinated in flimsy dogma for a long time. My good friend TK compares Catholic school to a vaccination. You inject a weak, dead form of something into the person so the real thing can’t take hold.
I’m not going to lie – that term goes right over my head. I tried to look it up, but it’s still not gelling. I’m not saying it’s not a good phrase, I’m just saying that it’s not the right one for me. It’s a matter of intellect.
But I do like the vaccination metaphor. I actually borrow that from TK with some regularity.
What a sweet story about the daughter paying for her mother to go to Italy! I know we all wish we could do that for a person we love–so good for her, I say. And I see nothing wrong with using the word “luck”. If you’re born middle-class or higher and white in the U.S. (for example) instead of into a family in abject poverty, relying on subsistence farming in Burundi (for example)–what else is that but luck?
totally agree. luck is luck. but there’s also the ability to take advantage of the opportunities afforded by luck – and that’s what I’m trying to articulate in a single word. as always, thanks for reading!
Aww I love the story about the trail of $5 bills!
I’m not sure I can suggest a word, but I definitely agree with the sentiment – I think when we have the opportunity to enjoy these types of experiences – it’s important to acknowledge them and appreciate them and not take them for granted!
agree on all counts!
To me, anyway, luck is when you hit the magic number (or numbers) on the roulette wheel. It’s when you look at your poker hand and see three aces and draw the fourth one.
You can’t control “luck”. What you can control is what you do with it.
I’ve been following this blog of yours for a very long time, and have watched you change gears at exactly the right moment to get where you wanted/needed to go, but it wasn’t luck. If you had been less motivated or less sure of yourself, you’d never have got to where you are right now.
You remind me of those kids you see on a rocky beach coast, running barefoot across the wet rocks. They manage to make it, at full speed, and then turn around and do it all over again. If one slips, he manages to recover and keep going. Among gymnasts that’s known as knowing where you are in the air at all times.
And I know you get that.
And this is what you do every day. There really is no word for it, but that phrase up there covers it.
Yes, totally agree. There’s plenty we don’t control – and plenty we do. That’s why it’s tricky to boil it down to just one word.
maybe ‘serendipity”…right place, right time, and there you are.