I knew I had to leave my last job when my new boss, a management consultant who I’ll call Beverly, showed up twenty minutes late to a call and then started making small talk about a Sunsetter retractable awning. It was one of my final nights of living in Venice and I really couldn’t be bothered to field complaints about someone else’s damaged patio furniture.
“But the good news,” Beverly concluded, as though I were invested in this story. “Is that they sent me a new one without making me send the defective one back.” She then paused for effect as though I should congratulate her. “Maybe you can use that,” she suggested, breaking the silence.
“Use what?” I asked.
“The Sunsetter,” she said, annoyance edging her voice.
“For what?” I asked.
“For one of your articles,” she answered.
“Maybe,” I agreed.
“Well aren’t you working on an article about online returns?” Beverly demanded. “That’s a returns issue.”
“OK,” I said. “Right.”
My agreement only seemed to further aggravate Beverly. “The company knows that the customer doesn’t need two awnings,” Beverly explained. “But the customer doesn’t know that the company would let you keep the first one, so they wouldn’t make a fake claim. But in doing it this way, the company doesn’t have to pay to have the awning shipped back or disposed of.”
This was the type of person I was dealing with: one whose greatest degree of deviousness was to try to figure out how to game the system on retractable awnings. Beverly was proud of the fact that she was an honest person who would never run a scam. At the same time, she couldn’t help but point out that she was smart enough to spot a loophole. Honestly, for a woman whose entire job is figuring out how to get rid of people for the least payout possible, I would have expected more.
We all know by now that Beverly beat me to the punch when it came to leaving that job. I don’t think her decision had anything to do with my reaction to the Sunsetter, so much as my long and well-documented history of making fun of my employer. Long story short, Beverly made the right call. I would have laid me off years ago.
But even though I had been wanting to resign for months prior, I knew deep down I was never going to do it. It just seemed like too great a risk, even if I did have freelance work coming in regularly on the side. Much as I wanted to venture into the world of self-employment, I kept moving my own goal posts—changing the number of clients I had, the projects I completed, the freelance income I earned before I would be ready to move on. It was almost a relief, in a weird way, when Beverly made the call for me. I would like to imagine that she delivered the news from beneath the easily adjustable shade of her Sunsetter. Had I an inkling of what our call that afternoon would really have been about, I would have asked where she was sitting. It would be a nice detail to tie the story together whenever I get around to writing that book.
It’s been more than a year since I got that news from Beverly. While I can’t say I was proud of getting the pink slip, I was grateful to be given the time and support of a European severance package while I made my way to the next thing and next place in life.
And now, a full year since my official last day at my old job, I am officially in that next phase. Last week, I had the pleasure of closing the books for Little Word Co. for 2020. It was my first full year working full-time as a freelancer after nearly two decades in corporate America. Even though I realized early on that I would be okay without Beverly dolling out assignments about patio furniture return practices, it took a few more months to recognize that, actually, I might do quite well for myself… and I did. Twice as well to be exact.
When I tallied the numbers for my accountant last week, I almost couldn’t believe it myself. Even though I had been doing my own bookkeeping all year long, I never quite connected one month to the next. And like many people who work for themselves will tell you, I didn’t want to spend any more time poking around in a spreadsheet to give myself a mid-year or quarterly update. If I’m going to spend time on work, then it’s going to be on the output—not the financials. (This, I understand, is the hallmark of a true business woman!)
And so it came almost as a surprise when I hit ‘SUM’ on my spreadsheet and realized that last year was my best year ever. I had managed to double the salary I earned in Germany.
I don’t say that to brag—and hopefully no one reads it as such. I’ve been pretty honest about how I was forced into the freelance market in a foreign country because my employer didn’t see the value in what I do. And that’s why I’m sharing. Because there’s a subpoint to my backstory with Beverly that most people don’t know—that being when my former position was eliminated, it was replaced by several other new positions, one of which I was invited to apply to with outside candidates. I took that as an insult even before I learned that the job paid half of what I was making and would have me relocate back to New York City. Half of my current salary… which was one-third less than what I was making in New York when I first joined with the company. So basically, Beverly was suggesting I take a job in the same city as where I started, but make about 38% of my original salary.
I didn’t apply for the job. That came as a surprise to Beverly, which was interesting since she’s the type of person who knows everything already. And I’m glad I didn’t. I’m not proud of getting laid off but I’m proud of the fact that I didn’t accept less for a job I didn’t even want in the first place.
And thank god. Because it turns out I wasn’t worth half. I’m worth double.
I know lots of people will experience a moment like that in their career—one where they have to choose between accepting less or risk losing even more. It is not an easy decision to make, especially if you have the trappings of adulthood, like children or a mortgage. I’m not here to encourage people to make a rash decision and stick it to the Beverlys of the world or give anyone an empty promise that it will all work out if you take a leap of faith. But I will say that you know your worth better than anyone. Trust your own voice and make your best move… on the double.
YASSSS! *snapping fingers* Also, as having been in a similar situation myself – I like to look at it as they just took the chance to break up with you first thinking they were going to make you feel bad. Silly Beverly…
thank you! and yes…. you may very well be right. oh well… sunsetter 4 ever!!
Way to freaking crush it, Nova. So happy for you!
thank you!!! :)