This past weekend, while out to dinner, one of Johann’s closest friends casually mentioned “their rap video.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, nearly dropping my cheeseburger. “Your what?”
“Our rap video,” he repeated. “Johann’s in it.”
“Oh I heard you,” I replied. “I’m just not sure I understand you.”
“We made a rap video,” he said.
It was an answer that only raised more questions: When was it filmed? Where can I see it? Can everyone in this pseudo Irish pub be quiet so that I can watch it and figure out if I still love my boyfriend?
More than anything, I wanted to know why, after nearly two years of dating, this was the first I was hearing about an amateur rap video. I mean, how exactly does the time you filmed yourself dancing around a dimly lit rec room while singing about Estonian vodka slip the mind? Since when is that not a noteworthy topic of conversation?
I turned my attention to Johann. “How has this not come up?” I asked.
“I’m not in it that much,” Johann explained. “I, like, light a cigarette and that’s it.”
That was not entirely true. He does, in fact, smoke a cigarette for a few seconds at the tail end of the song. But he neglects to mention that he is a near-constant presence in the first three and half minutes, bopping along during the hook, jumping on a couch, and stumbling around in the background. When, after enough begging and pleading, someone finally let me watch the video on YouTube, I could hardly believe that it was him.
Don’t get me wrong. I have seen many pictures of a long-haired, baggy pants wearing, 20-soemthing Johann. I know that he’s a recovering smoker. But the man in the video was still practically unrecognizable to me. Looks aside, I was shocked to see how much fun he was having. It’s hard to believe that the clean-cut, straight-laced guy I met in an upscale craft beer bar just a few years later, the one with a sizable indie rock record collection and a shelf full of art books, could get this excited about cheap liquor. Not since the time Johann mentioned that he served as a weatherman in the Finnish military have I been so surprised to learn about the years that came before me.
Like most women in love, I found this evidence of Johann’s (not exactly secret) past cute. I mean, his impression of a break dancer (3:44) is objectively adorable. I think he looks oddly sexy smoking a cigarette, albeit in a homeless sort of way (3:47). And his willingness to be carried on someone’s shoulders in the midst of excessive drinking constitutes a brave performance (2:57).
All in all, I find the whole thing pretty endearing. I know that’s not at all what these guys were going for, but that’s the first word that comes to mind. I guess it’s hard to say anything more specific about talent or skill when I can’t understand “WHAT, WHAT, WHAT” anyone is saying. So they will have to settle for my compliments on video composition and commitment to character… and the fact that I have watched the video at least ten times in the past two days without the least bit of irony.
Maybe that’s the biggest surprise here: I like the song. It’s unexpectedly infectious – like a foreign language Party Rock Anthem or Shots. It’s fun. It’s entertaining. And the beat isn’t bad at all. If it came on in the club, I’d dance. I mean, give these guys a swimming pool and 30 minutes of Lil John’s time and I don’t see any reason why they can’t be the Finnish version of LMFAO.
Dare I say, this video even makes me a little jealous of Johann. We all have a past and I can only wish that I was cool enough to have a rap video lurking in mine. I spent my 20s a little differently, by which I mean that I sunk several years into launching a line of hand-painted designer mousetraps from my one-bedroom apartment. Johann is well aware of that little project, as he is my family’s affinity for firearms and the time I tried to move to Nigeria. In other words, I know my way around a random backstory as good as anyone. The only difference between me and Johann is that he had the good sense to make his most questionable decisions with friends.
And with that in mind, I suggest you call your favorite partner in crime, pour yourselves two shots of the poorest vodka and raise a glass to the past while making plans for the future. May we all find someone who continues to surprise us in the very best way.
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Yep. Now I’m going to make my life all about this. This wins the internet today. LOL
agree. although, I am dying over this today: https://twitter.com/i/status/1062259364478836736
YES! I saw that on Twitter the other day and shared it after I finally stopped laughing after 52 minutes. LMAO
that has to be the ugliest cat I have ever seen, ever.
Poor thing. He looks like he just wants someone to play with him.
And the rap video. Hysterical. The man has depths, he does.
do you think the cat has rabies? or is just ugly? I don’t know which is worse, honestly.
agree re: the video. hilariously impressive, WHAT WHAT WHAT
That is hilarious!! And you’re right – the song’s chirpy with a great beat. I’d dance to it.
I agree. It’s so hilarious, but also, like, kind of impressive.