“If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all,” is advice that I’ve seen floating around on Twitter, of all places, by writers, of all people. They don’t use those words exactly, but that’s the sentiment of their tweets:
“Don’t tag authors in negative reviews!”
“Take your shitty review to Goodreads where it belongs!”
“Every time you tag an author in a negative review, a unicorn dies!”
To be clear, these writers aren’t asking people not to critique their work – they just don’t want to be notified when it happens. In a way, I could understand their point. I also don’t like being alerted to the fact that unicorns are dying. No one wants to hear that they missed the mark, especially if they didn’t ask in the first place.
But dictating how people use Twitter seems like a slippery slope. These writers almost certainly used the platform to amass a following to get a book deal in the first place. Then they used that same platform to promote and sell said book. It seems kind of unfair to suddenly make up rules about what other people can and can’t say – or even how they say it.
Here’s a riddle: What do you call a peacock mixed with an ostrich? A writer!
Maybe I’d feel differently if I published a book. Most authors I know talk about their work like ordinary people do their children. They answer questions about how they are and what’s new and their plans for the summer in terms of editor meetings and launch dates and new chapter outlines.
As a blogger, I just don’t have that pride of authorship. The handful of articles I wrote for a trade publication and my weekly post here can’t compare to the time and effort that goes into a novel or a memoir. When I get negative feedback, it’s easy to shrug off because it’s usually limited to a single article or post, not my life’s work. I’m also not famous, which helps a lot. Five negative comments carry a lot less weight than 50.
Still, I’m not quite sure what the need for self-protection is about. Writers don’t have to accept feedback that they don’t agree with it. They don’t have to respond to it either. They don’t even have to read it in the first place! Yes, the negative comments bite – but do we really want to live in a world where everything that hurts our feelings is edited out? If we take away all the bad, doesn’t the good lose its value? I thought Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey covered all this.
There’s a lot to be said about the benefits of constructive criticism. And again, to be fair, I don’t think these writers are shying away from that. I assume they’re taking issue with the petty comments and uninformed opinions. Personal attacks along the lines of, “What a waste of time,” “Don’t bother with this trash,” or “How did this person get published?” I understand that those words burn, but responding to them only serves to fan the flames.
I think we’d all be better off just disregarding the comments that don’t hold any merit. When strangers on Twitter called me “vain” and “stupid” after I wrote a guest post for a marketing magazine about inadvertently networking with reporters through Tinder, I chose not to engage. When readers of this blog misinterpreted a post I wrote about body image and weight loss and said I was “vapid” and “disappointing”, I tried not take it too personally.
Part of being a writer is accepting the risk that you will be misunderstood. Not everyone is going to “get it” and there’s nothing you can do about it. People miss the point because they’re distracted or projecting or just plain closed. When they fault me as a writer for their own shortcomings, I try not to explain myself. Whatever I wrote the first time around should be clear enough. If it isn’t, that means I didn’t do my job very well.
In college, I once had a professor who snapped at a student as she tried to explain that her essay did, in fact, mention all the points it needed to… on the third page. “I read it,” he said. “Even if it’s in there, you didn’t write it in a way the reader could understand.” I’m not sure she got the message, but I did.
As a writer, you’re always in the position to take the feedback or leave it – but you should never have to argue with it.
One of my greatest advantages as a writer might be that I don’t have any traditional writing experience: no formal training; no degrees or certifications; no professional experience or internships – not even a friend in publishing. Instead, I learned how to write while on the job in the marketing industry. Believe it or not, a PR agency is an excellent place to learn how to take feedback. Being forced to incorporate comments from six different media professionals, most of whom hate one another and you, is an opportunity every budding writer should hope for. I learned almost immediately not to take much of what was said seriously… and not to take any of it personally.
When I see writers now asking only for “nice” feedback and urging people to “be kind” or just pleading for the opportunity to remain blissfully oblivious, I can’t help but roll my eyes. Even if they don’t want to apply the comment, it still sounds like they have something to learn from it.
I know we “discussed” this topic the other day–but an indie author friend of mine is the best at handling negative feedback. He was telling me a story early this morning where someone trashed his first short story and he actually responded with “That’s a fair assessment”. Didn’t faze him in the slightest. Mostly because he didn’t like the story either, but also because when something’s true, it’s just true. You can’t really argue with the truth–no matter in what manner it’s delivered. LOL
Yes, agree completely. Take it or leave it, but don’t fight it.
Excellent post. Like you, I’m not a formally trained writer. But, have learned over the years to take (more often than not) my ego out of the equation and consider feedback as “food for thought”. Ultimately, it’s up to me to decide and understand where they’re coming from and if I take it or leave it. Keep writing!
Agree 100%. Thank you :)
And while it’s trite, the bottom line is, if you brave the strange waters of FB and twitter, you have to be aware of the Trolls. They automatically beat up on anyone, just because they can.
And if you are unpublished, do NOT post anything you plan to publish on social media, it will either end up in someone else’s handbag, or an editor will find out, and you have just pushed your work off a cliff.
Yep and yep. As always, thanks for reading!
People miss the point because they’re distracted or projecting or just plain closed.
Best sentence I have read in ages. And it can be applied in so many scenarios. Recently reminded my son that you can’t have a battle of wits with an unarmed person…this falls along that same line.
I am going to share this, with credit to you, of course.
Thank you for sharing :) And yes, the point is applicable in many scenarios. If you son ends up having talent for battling the witless, perhaps he is suited for a career in marketing! I kid :)
I think the issue is that being tagged in a petty review–the “this sucks” stuff–rather than constructive criticism isn’t helpful. It’s just mean. And when you tag someone in a mean comment, you’re just trying to hurt their feelings. It’s also impossible to ignore a comment you’ve been tagged in because you get the notification and even if you don’t check your notifications right away, eventually you’re gonna have to and you’ll see it.
It’s exhausting to be inundated with hate.
I think saying, “Don’t ever say anything bad about my work ever!” is obviously ridiculous. But, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that people not intentionally be assholes to each other. It’s a slippery slope.
No, we can’t avoid all the negative bad things. But, we don’t have to turn a blind eye to people intentionally trying to hurt us, either.
Well I hear you! People can be mean and it sucks when they are. Personally, I don’t agree with filtering that out (for all the reasons I mentioned in the post) but loads of other people do. :)
People will never want to hear bad things about something they love, be it a person or their work. That said, it’s sad that a lot of creatives will not take such an opportunity to grow and correct flaws that have been pointing out, assuming it’s constructive negative criticism. Some people on the other hand, are overly critical and sometimes come off as if they had a prepotent attitude. As an author/artist, one should be able to balance it out, carefully glance over criticism and take them like a grain of salt.
“As an author/artist, one should be able to balance it out, carefully glance over criticism and take them like a grain of salt.”
Very good point. for writers critiquing the work of their peers, how is it that they can’t do so without being offensive. Seems like they can brush up themselves.