My bad dates are worse than yours

There’s nothing like a bad date story to bring people together. After posting my recap about running into this guy last week, several people have been quick to sympathize about my sorry luck – and even quicker to remind me that things could be much worse.

My personal favorite “bad date” story belongs to a former co-worker who met a guy from Match.com for a dinner date. There were a few red flags raised throughout the evening, but it wasn’t until their food arrived that the bells really started going off.

As she told it, when his plate was placed in front of him, he wrapped his arm around it, put his head down and practically inhaled the food. It was a peculiar habit, which he explained as something he learned “where he was from.”

“Was he from a big family?” I asked.

“No,” she said flatly.

I tried to sound casual. “Where was he from?”

“Prison,” she answered.

I know that’s not something to laugh about, but I couldn’t help myself. I blame her delivery, which was flawless.

“Well,” I said. “You never know. Some people get sent to prison for, like, nothing.”

“He killed someone when he was 17,” she added.

That’s not nothing. And that’s a bad date.

Meanwhile, someone who I went out with a few times this past summer offered his worst Tinder date story.

“The girl showed up 45 minutes late,” he said.

“Oh jeez,” I replied. “And then what?”

He shrugged. “Well when she finally got there, she wasn’t very nice.”

I stared at him blankly.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “We’re telling our most awful dating stories. Do you understand the exercise?”

And then I shared an example to prove my point – this one POV a musician who went on a first date with a girl who had a way of getting right to the point. “Hi, nice to meet you,” she said when she arrived. “I don’t feel very well, so I can’t stay long.”

Despite that level-setting, everything went well enough until about an hour in, when the woman abruptly jumped up from the table, ran out the door and promptly threw up all over the sidewalk.

In a shocking display of chivalry, the guy not only followed her, but also waved away the $20 she tried handing him for her cocktail and then hailed her a cab.

As far as I’m concerned, that’s the story to beat if you want to win the “worst first date” category – which is rather unfortunate for me, because in case it wasn’t totally obvious, I’m the lady from it.

But wait – there’s more! The day after I caused that ruckus, the unthinkable happened. The guy called and asked me out again – which means that maybe I wasn’t actually the worst date ever, at least not until I threw up all over the sidewalk.

And if there’s a lesson to be learned – besides that you should cancel a date when you’re truly sick – it’s that some incidental blip, big or small, won’t derail an otherwise good date.

That’s good news for me. And good news for him too.

***

It’s November! Do you want to do something nice this holiday season? A friend is stationed in Afghanistan and has put together a Christmas wish list for her unit. If you want to donate items (Christmas decorations, toiletries, used books, etc.), or give a small donation, drop me a line and we can coordinate pick-ups, drop offs or PayPals: mousesnaps@gmail.com. I’ll make sure some cheer makes it her way on your behalf!