Don’t be alarmed. Johann and I are still an item. That title is clickbait and I apologize. It’s just that I’m spending a lot of time in Munich this month and my roommate has a mini trampoline that she has allowed me to use at will.
The first thing I learned about trampolining is that fitness people often refer to it as “rebounding.” On one hand, that makes it sound a little bit less ridiculous. On the other, it is still quite ridiculous!
This is what I’d call a classic point/counterpoint situation and the world of rebounding is full of them. I can’t get through a single workout video without starting an argument with someone – the fitness instructor, the media or myself. Here, let me show you.
POINT: 10 minutes on the trampoline is equivalent to 30-40 minute run
COUNTERPOINT: Was this study peer reviewed and published in an accredited medical journal?
POINT: NASA did it!
COUNTERPOINT: That study was from the 70s. Also, I’m sorry, but after the past three years, I no longer accept credentialization by establishment.
POINT: There are newer studies! They’re in all your favorite lady news outlets: Shape!RealSimple! You love RealSimple!
COUNTERPOINT: Looks like those studies were done in the 90s???
POINT: The 90s were such an amazing time! Who doesn’t want to go back to the 90s? You know what would be a great soundtrack for this? PRODIGY.
Settled. Any excuse to listen to late 90s techno.
POINT: This move really opens up the lymph nodes!
COUNTERPOINT: Your lymph nodes are in your neck, Gretchen. And you are moving your ARMS!
POINT: You have lymph nodes all over your body, including your armpits and your groin.
COUNTERPOINT: Well good for you – you know your biology better than I.
POINT: This move helps flush out all the toxins.
COUNTERPOINT: Well, that might be true… I smell the toxins. It smells like it’s working…
POINT: And it IS working.
COUNTERPOINT: Yes, but I don’t feel like it’s working. I don’t feel like I’ve worked out at all. And I like feeling like I worked out.
POINT: SO THEN SHUT UP AND GO WORK OUT AGAIN.
Maybe I will! Now that’s a WIN/WIN
POINT: Get on the tramp!
COUNTERPOINT: EXCUSE ME?
POINT: A “tramp” is what some people call the mini trampoline.
COUNTERPOINT: That appeals to me on many levels.
POINT: Tramping, as a verb, can be worked into daily conversation with all the people that you hate. It will give them some real shit to repeat to others that will make them look like they are both slut shaming and fat shaming you.
I cannot think of better way to pass a conference call.
POINT: Tramping is a full body, low impact workout.
COUNTERPOINT: Yeah, but I look dumb.
POINT: Yes, but stack enough 20-minutes of dumb together and eventually you will look great ALL THE TIME.
This is literally the point of exercise.
POINT: This move is like doing one million crunches.
COUNTERPOINT: No it’s not. I don’t even feel it.
POINT: This next move is equivalent to a thousand squats.
COUNTERPOINT: There is no way to even measure that.
POINT: And this last one is like doing a hundred kegels.
COUNTERPOINT: Oh come on… like my pelvic—OHMYGOD, I THINK I JUST PEED MY PANTS A LITTLE BIT. THIS SHIT WORKS MY PELVIC FLOOR.
And that’s what we call EVIDENCE.
POINT: This is fun
COUNTERPOINT: This is kind of fun!
POINT: This is like dancing.
COUNTERPOINT: This is sort of like dancing!
POINT: It’s like gymnastics!
COUNTERPOINT: It is a little bit like gymnastics!
POINT: It’s like childhood!
COUNTERPOINT: No, this is FUN.
POINT: Fun exercise is effective exercise
I have to agree!
And that’s the story of how I became a tramp. I stepped on mostly because it was raining for four straight days and I needed an indoor workout and now I’m researching an attachable t-bar so that I can do cheerleader style big jumps. More likely than not I’ll buy one in Helsinki. Johann, and the neighbours, are sure to love that. They have a point. But also, COUNTERPOINT: I DON’T CARE.
Have you tramped? Do you believe in the power of the rebound? Have you reached a higher level of enlightenment through your FitBounce? Tell me about it. And let’s put together a routine!
I’ve tramped. In New Zealand, we call overnight hikes tramps. English is a fascinating language!
oh, well in that case, I definitely want to tramp! I love overnight hikes and camping… so long as the other people know what they’re doing because, and this may surprise you, I DO NOT.
Thanks for reading. Happy tramping in all its forms to you!
Mini trampoline exercises are a great way to improve your health, fitness and wellbeing and sculpt your body, all whilst having a whole lot of fun in the process.