Earlier this week, when I checked into my Airbnb in Crete, the host asked me what time I would be leaving. My departure was four days out and I had little idea where I was going next, let alone when I would get there.
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “Can I tell you tomorrow?”
The woman smiled. “Of course, tomorrow is fine. It’s busy season, so we have to arrange the cleaning soon.”
“I understand,” I said. “I think I’m going to Iraklion, but I haven’t booked my bus ticket yet.”
My host looked at me like I had suggested we join ISIS together. “You don’t have to book a ticket,” she said. “You just go to the bus station and buy it.”
This is what I would consider a cultural difference. Perhaps it is also a generational disconnect. It is most definitely a technology gap. As far as I’m concerned, waiting in line at a bus station is one of the saddest ways time can be spent and it should be avoided at all costs. Lots of people agree with me, as evidenced by the entire business model of Megabus. In fact—and a lot of people don’t know this—avoiding lines at bus stations was one of the main reasons why the Internet was invented in the first place.
Here are some others, according to me:
Getting directions.
Thanks to GPS, Google Maps and 3G networks, I rarely have to know how to get where I am going. I also don’t have to know where things are, like grocery stores or Metro stations or banks. And thank goodness because half the time, I’m in a place where it wouldn’t do me the least bit of good to remember anyway. My life is like one giant game of geocaching except instead of collecting Pokemon, I’m just trying to find a Zara so that I can buy socks.
Check up on your ex…
…or your shitty former boss or your nemesis from high school or any other number of people against whom you hold a grudge. Of course, this one has a high potential for backfiring, so tread lightly. Half the time you find out they’ve done something good, like that your old manager, a woman who once insisted you take a conference call from a hospital, has written a book about happiness… and that it has been reviewed by People magazine. But, considering the alternative, of asking mutual friends and former colleagues vague questions about people they know you hate, the internet is a blessing. At least now when you find out your ex is engaged, you can do something positive about it… like order take out. Which brings me to my next perk:
TAKE OUT.
24/7 access to Thai food. You can’t get that in line at the bus station.
Make a doctor’s appointment without an elaborate cover story.
I know. Don’t @ me about why you’re not supposed to do that because then the charts are all messed up and the schedule is all thrown off. And don’t take offence because your mom is a receptionist and she’s a consummate professional and she, like, needs to know everything about everyone because IT’S HER JOB. Just consider that for most people going to the doctor is already one of their least favorite things to do and taking one person asking asinine questions out of the equation feels better. I, for one, will happily type “rabies vaccine” into a travel doctor’s intake portal, but would never in million years cop to that to a stranger named Suzanne.
Shop for embarrassing and boring things.
Every six months, I have a package sent to me. It contains: Debrox ear wax removal aid. An eight-pack of canker sore covers. A fresh foot file. I know… what’s the point of shopping for embarrassing things online if I’m only going to publicly admit to them anyway? Well those are not embarrassing things. Those are boring things. And I’m so bored right now I can’t even be bothered to keep explaining this one.
Avoiding the post office.
At this point in my life, the only reason I’m going to the post office is because I need to correspond with the IRS via certified mail. Before you get on me about the nostalgia of receiving an old-fashioned, handwritten letter in the mail or a care package or a post office, consider this: you can send those without going to the post office. Their web site is actually pretty great. You can order boxes for free and have them sent to you. You can print labels at home. You can schedule pickups. You can buy stamps. It’s all part of this thing called Click-n-Ship and why anyone is still buying boxes and waiting in line is beyond me.
Disregard everything I learned in elementary school.
How do I spell millennial? What percentage increase is 240M from 136M? Where is Moldova? Thank you Internet, for answering all my questions in real-time and then letting me opt in to more information. Because of you, I can free up all that elementary knowledge with slightly more useful high school knowledge, such as: What’s the German word for “pay”? How does the electoral college work? What did Emily Dickenson say about integrity again?
Know what Chrissy Teigen is thinking.
What can I say, sometimes the Internet knows what I need before I do. Chrissy Teigen does all the time.
Cat videos.
I’m 100% serious. If you don’t know the joy of animal accounts, then you are not fully aware of the power of the internet. Chonky animals. We Rate Dogs. Bodega Cats of Instagram. Please, do yourself a favour and introduce these into your social media scroll. Because even if you don’t want a pet, you can still love animals.
Eliminate fax machines, photocopiers and printers.
At my first internship, part of my job involved sending media alerts to local news desks… by fax. It took at least three hours, depending on how many outlets I needed to look up in a book (!!!) and dial. Inevitably, the process would have to be repeated with at least half of the numbers because the first fax didn’t go through. Madness. Email cut that time to 1/3. A CRM platform like Constant Contact knocked it down to a few minutes.
Get a job or a book deal or whatever else it is you want.
Remember when you had to fill out paper applications and deliver them, to a receptionist who was also probably named Suzanne? Remember when if you wanted to buy a used bike you had to, for some god-forsaken reason, read the newspaper? Remember when if you had a book idea you had to beg a publisher to consider it instead of just writing some kick-ass blog and hoping for the best while continuing to hold down a day job or two to pay the bills? Yeah, me too… barely. And I am happy to forget them.
That’s what the Internet does for me. How about you?
Ctrl-F – Find in Page is the biggest timesaver of my life. How did we find information before? Reading every line of text? NO THANK YOU.
The downloadable Google Maps thing is pretty kickass, as is the currency app I have on my phone. No more trying to collect maps from tourist offices, or mentally trying to do the math in order decide if that dress/coffee/postcard is worth that amount of koruna.
The cloud that holds every photo I have taken in the last six years, as well as every document I have (work or otherwise).
Okay, I lied prior. Find in page is great, but the biggest timesaver is freakin’ online banking. I literally don’t even know how I paid bills or received money before online banking? I just have a hazy memory of it being horrible.
Oh yes! The cloud! I love the cloud. It save all my pictures and my files. God bless the cloud. what did people do before? FILE THINGS?! In a cabinet? On paper? Like a monk?
Banking!! Who goes into a branch anymore? I had to go to a branch to get a wire transfer for buying my house, it was like a ghost town and they can’t find anyone who knows how to do anything. Who goes to a bank anymore. If I could have made the wire transfer online I would have, just to avoid going to the branch. In my little town they are building new Chase branches while other banks are dropping like flies, who is going to be going to these branches actually?
YES. I have been online banking for years and years. My bank in Germany doesn’t even have branches. Anyway, I had to go into my US bank branch to deposit cash while I was home last. You’re right – there was no one there. This despite the fact that they had a very nice lounge area with a coffee machine and fee wifi. Well, I actually had a conference call to take and the bank was way nicer than my hotel lobby (I was waiting to check in), so I just pulled out my laptop and sat in one of the lounge chairs and took my call. About 15 minutes in one of the managers came by and was like, CAN WE HELP YOU? And I was like, “No. I am a customer and I made a deposit and now I am using your free internet. Isn’t that what it’s for?” And I have no idea why but HE APOLOGIZED TO ME and was like, “OH! we just weren’t sure if you were waiting for someone”. My coworker, overhearing all this was like, “You should have said you were waiting for the getaway car.” Long winded way of saying totally agree. Banks are only good for free wifi and even then, a Starbucks will do. The coffee is better.
We had the winter from hell a couple years back, where I couldn’t get my little car out of the driveway for at least three weeks. My neighbors are all little, old ladies so I decided to call and check on them to see if they were alright. I was going to the store and called to ask Dori across the street (in her 80s) if she needed any groceries (husband has a truck with 4wd). Nope. She ordered them online and had them delivered.
OMG. Dori is amazing. I love when stuff like that happens – you’re going out of your way to be thoughtful and the other person is like, “Oh thank you, but here’s a tip… FreshDirect.” In all seriousness though, it was so nice of you to offer. My whole point is that technology makes things easier and more efficient and eliminates risk. For me that might just be waiting in line at a bus station. But it can also be 80-somethings getting groceries when it’s too cold/hot/snowy/rainy to go out. That truly is life-changing!
In Dori’s case, technology allowed her to be in her home and independent (she was legally blind), until the very end. She passed away last year. With my own mother, such delivery services and Lyft are helping her (and us) cope with the fact that she shouldn’t be driving anymore. I can even schedule her Lyft rides for her, and with her permission, access accounts (like her medical chart and bank) online to help her manage life in general.
As a consultant, I have a much easier time doing my taxes every year by downloading my spending records, and then sorting them by expense type. It was life-changing to get a parking app on my phone to be able to pay for (and track) parking instead of spending literally thousands of dollars in random quarters every year that went unaccounted for.
I guess this list could go on forever….
OH! One more, after reading the banking comment earlier. My son studies in Austria (we’re in the US), earlier he was on exchange in Denmark. For the longest time we were sending him a monthly stipend via Western Union, which cost a bundle and we had to visit a branch in person and he had to find a location to pick up the cash. If we transferred too much, sometimes they didn’t have the cash to pay it out (they’re often in little convenience stores). Then we tried wire transfers from our bank to his. They were constrained to bankers hours, cost $40 per transaction and it took DAYS. Not a good emergency solution when I forgot his rent was due the following day. Then we found Transferwise (a phone app) and now we can transfer $1,000, they deduct a mere $7.50 in fees, convert it to Euros and it’s in his account, sometimes within the hour! How cool is that?
Oh, and video chats. Another friend of the international student and his parents (not to mention 100% of how I conduct meetings these days). Yay!
Okay, I’ll stop now. :)
Yes!! I also use Transferwise to pay bills for accounts in the States. Such a blessing! Prior to finding it, the fees were out of this world and I’d often have to pay them twice – to send and to receive.
All good things!! Totally!! I couldn’t do my job and live the way I live without the internet. Viva la web!
I promise not to do this to you again, but just remember you mentioned it first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqSC7b5frTE
there are dozens of these online now, and they are adorable. Not cute kitty adorable, just fun to watch.
Look. I will never say no to a cat video. Never. xx